The Brunch Club
by FloralBlunts
Summary: The kids of South Park are in detention, with nothing to do, and everything to learn about each other.  Parody of the movie The Breakfast Club.
1. Chapter 1

This is a parody and crossover of South Park and the greatest 80's movie, "The Breakfast Club." **I do not own anything of South Park or rights to The Breakfast Club. **If I did, everything would be ruined.

"_Saturday, March 4th, South Park High, South Park, Colorado. Dear Mr. Garrison, we accept the fact we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for what ever we did wrong. What we did was wrong, but we think you're crazy telling us to write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us a brain, an athlete, a basketcase, a princess, and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning. We were brainwashed."_

Bebe sat in the car with her dad staring at the school in disgust. "I can't believe I have to do this...I don't even deserve this!"

Her dad sighed. "Honey, skipping class to go shopping with Red is not like you." He handed her her lunch. "Have a nice day."

She sighed, slamming the door of the BMW.

Butters sat in the car with his dad, looking at the ground in remorse.

"Is this the last time or the first time you're gonna do this?" He could practically kill his son right now.

"Last..." He wimpered.

"Now you get in there and you think about what you done, you hear me?" Butter's dad screamed.

"Yes sir." Butters awkwardly skipped up the stairs of the school.

Inside the library, Stan sat down next to Bebe taking off his sports letterman. Kenny waltzed in with his ragged orange sweater. He signaled Butters to get the hell out of his seat. Another kid who covered his face with his green hoodie practically ran in and plopped down on the seat in the back on the library, facing his back to everyone else. His green hoodie shook. Bebe and Stan snickered at him.

Mrs. Garrison walked in holding papers and pencils. He took a good look at each and everyone in the library. "Well, well, well. I'd like to congragulate you pricks for being on time."

Bebe raised her hand. "Um excuse me Ms, I know it's detention and all but, uh, I don't think I belong in here."

Mrs. Garrison raised her eyebrows at her. "It is now 7:06. You have exactly 8 and a half hours to think about why you're here." He looked at Bebe. "You may not talk." He looked at Butters squirming in his seat. "You may not move from these chairs." Butters stopped. "And you may not sleep." Mr. Garrison snatched the chair under Kenny's feet.

"Now, you people are gonna write an essay, of no more than 800 words." Mrs. Garrison placed notbook paper on each of the tables the kids sat in.

"Is this a test?" Kenny asked.

"And when I say essay, I mean essay. No repeating the same word 800 times. Is that clear Mr. McCormick? Maybe you'd learn something about yourself. I'm gonna be sitting in the other room and if I hear any monkey business, you're gonna be joining me, any questions?"

"Yeah I got a question."

Mrs. Garrison turned around to Kenny.

"Does Martha Stewart know you raid her wardrobe?"

She pointed her finger angrily at Kenny. "I'll give you the answer to that next Saturday. Don't mess with me Kenny, or I swear to god." Mrs. Garrison left the room.

It was going to be a long day, everyone knew it.

In the back of the library, there was whimpering. The boy shook and yelped quietly.

Eveyone turned to see.

The boy stopped, he felt the prying eyes on him. He turned slowly and screamed.

"You keep shaking like that and you're gonna end up getting a seizure." Kenny said.

The boy just screamed biting his nails.

Kenny stared at the kid in the green hoodie. "You know I've seen you before."

Mr. Garrison's face leaned over the door to check on them. Kenny sunk back in his seat.

Butters played with his erasers shaped like apples. "Loo loo loo I got some apples loo loo loo you got some too..." He sung quietly to himself. "Loo loo loo let's get toge...ther..."

Kenny glared at Butters.

Butters chuckled nervously, nodding back awkwardly rubbing his knuckles.

Kenny just turned to look around the library, landing his eyes on Bebe.

"...Na na na na na na na naaa na na naaaa"

Bebe rolled her eyes. "I can't believe this is happening to me."

"Oh shit!" Kenny yelled. "What if one of us gotta take a piss?" He shrugged. "You gotta go, you gotta go." Kenny pulled down his zipper.

Stan turned around. "Hey you're not urinating in here, man."

"Don't talk, dont talk! It makes it crawl back up." Kenny said concentrating.

"You whip it out and your dead before the first drop hits the floor." Stan growled.

Kenny looked at him. "Hey you're pretty sexy when you're angry. Arrr."

Stan just rolled his eyes.

"Hey homeboy." Kenny called Butters. "Why don't you close that door over there and we'll get the prom queen here impregnated." He chuckled. Bebe's eyes widened.

"Hey, Hey!" Stan barked.

Kenny laughed "What?"

"If I loose my temper you're dead."

Bebe scoffed. "Why don't you just shutup, Kenny? No body here's interested."

Stan huffed. "Asshole."

"Well hey sporto what did you do to get in here? Forget to wash you're jock?"

Stan turned facing Kenny. "Look just because you live here doesn't mean you get to be a a pain in the ass, so knock it off!"

Kenny nodded "It's a free country."

"Ugh!" Stan groaned.

Kenny got up, jumping on the railing of the wheelchair ramp. "Why don't we close that door? We can't have the bitch checking on us every few seconds."

"B-but we're supposed to leave it open." Butters said.

"So what?"

"So why don't you just shutup?" Stan barked "You know what Kenny you don't matter in this school. You don't count, you might as well not even exist at this school and it wouldn't make a difference."

"Well maybe I'll just join the football team huh? Like you god damn jocks."

Stan scoffed. "They wouldn't take you."

"I'm hurt."

"You know guys like you knock everything down?" Bebe shook her head at Kenny. "You're just big cowards. See, you're afraid no one would accept you so you dump on everything."

Butters jumped in. "I'm in the math club."

Kenny nodded. "You know you bitches are so smart that's exactly why I don't join clubs!"

"I'm in the physics club too!" Butters chirped.

Kenny stopped. "Excuse me." He looked at Butters. "What the hell are you babbling about?"

"Well I said I was in the math club and the physics club an-"

Kenny raised his hand. "No, shutup."

Stan growled. "Look you guys keep talking and Mrs. Garrison is gonna come in here and write us up. I can't miss my football game next Saturday."

Mr. Garrison exit the library.

Kenny gasps running towards the door.

"Hey what are you doing?" Stan yelled.

"Young man, have you finished your paper?" Kenny mocked Mrs. Garrison's voice. He looked around the hallways and started to uscrew a bolt in the door hinge.

"Come on Kenny don't screw around. You heard what she said, you're gonna get us in trouble." Bebe whined.

"Kenny that's school property you can't mess it, I mean really, that's bad." Butters warned.

The door swung closed after Kenny unattatched something.

"Kenny fix it!"

Kenny laughed. "Aren't I a genius?"

"Fix it!"

"Alright everybody just shutup!"

"No if you don't fix it right now I'm gonna-"

"Look ju- just SHUTUP!"

Mr. Garrison heard the yelling from outside the hallway, unitl she noticed the closed door.

"GOD DAMN IT." She yelled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Just a reminder, in this parody, none of the kids really know each other.**

Ms. Garrison furiously stormed in the library. "Why is that door closed?"

No one wanted to answer to her, they all knew Ms. Garrison would just consider that as "talking back." That's basically how it is to every adult, they just hate being proven wrong, don't they?

"I said, why is that closed that door!"

"How are we supposed to know, we weren't supposed to get up." Kenny said.

Ms. Garrison seemed dumbfounded for a second. "Why?"

Bebe stuttered. "W-we were just sitting here, like we're supposed to."

Ms. Garrsion eyed her and turned slowly to Butters. "Who closed that door?"

"I think a screw fell out of it?" Kenny suggested.

"WHO?"

In the back of the library, Tweak squeaked, as if he was trying to blurt out who the culprit was, but instead choked on his words. Ms. Garrison eyed Kenny.

"Gimme that screw." She growled.

"I'm sorry I don't have it.

"You want me to beat you until the screw falls out?"

"I don't have it, the world's an imperfect place screws fall out everytime."

"You back talk me one more time Kenny and the next screw that falls out is going to be you!"

Kenny scoffed. "Go to hell." He muttered.

"What was that?" Ms. Garrison demanded.

Kenny glared at her. "Go. To. Hell."

"You just bought yourself another Saturday in detention."

Kenny smirked grabbing his chest. "Oh I'm crushed."

"That's another one right there."

"Well I'm free this Saturday, and the Saturday after that. In fact, I'm gonna have to check my calendar."

"Good!" Ms. Garrison yelled. "Because it's going to be filled! We'll keep going, you want another one? Just say the word instead of going to rehab you'll come here."

Kenny huffed.

"...You through?"

"No!"

"That's another one! I got you for the rest of you're natural born life if you don't watch you're step! You want another one?"

"Yes!"

"You got it! That's another one!"

Bebe was fed up. "Cut it out!"

Ms. Garrison glared at Kenny. "You through?"

"Not. Even. Close. BITCH." Kenny retorted.

"Another."

"You really think I give a shit?"

"Another." They glared at each other. "You through now?"

"How many is that?"

"Well that's six", Butters said "Including last week when you threw spaghetti at Mr. Mackey's back in lunch..."

"Shut up Butters." Ms. Garrison barked. She turned to Kenny holding up 2 fingers in his face. "Two months. You're mine Kenny for two months." She kept holding up two fingers until she walked away.

The door closed behind her.

"FUCK YOU!" Kenny yelled.

"Fuck..."


	3. Chapter 3

Well there was nothing better to do in a library stuck with people you don't even care about. So what do you do? Light your shoe on fire.

Kenny lit his show on fire for the hell of it for about 5 seconds. Tweak was in the back figuring out how to tie your shoelaces to your hair without hurting it. Stan was imagining an epic battle with two origami cranes. Bebe just applied makeup on her face.

Butters was getting drowsy, soon everyone else was

Their heavy eyelids slowly falling, soon they were asleep.

An hour later Ms. Garrison stood in front of them.

"Wake the hell up!"

No one moved.

"...Who needs to go to the bathroom?"

Everyone's hands shot up.

* * *

><p>"Stop it." Stan grumbled with his head against the wall.<p>

"You're right. It's wrong to destroy literature." Kenny said ripping the pages out of a book while sitting on the railing. "There's nothing else to do when your locked in a vacancy."

"Speak for youself."

"Excuse me you'd think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language."

"Whatever." Stan turned to Bebe. "Hey, you grounded tonight?"

Bebe stopped filing her nails. "Why?"

"Token's throwing a party at his mansion. His parents are in India, it's gonna be pretty wild."

She shrugged. "I don't know. My mom says I am but my dad said to blow her off, it's like they use me to get back at each other, it's a huge mess. It's like one day, boom, divorce."

"Who do you like better?" Kenny asked.

"What?"

"You like your dad or your mom better? Like, if you had to choose between them."

Bebe thought for a second. "I don't know...probably go live with my cousin. I mean I don't think either one gives a shit about me..."

"HA" Tweak scoffed at Bebe. Everyone looked at him.

"Shut the hell up!" Bebe yelled.

Stan smiled. "You're just feeling sorry for youself."

"Well if I did no body else would!" Bebe whined.

"Poor baby."

Kenny threw the book. "Well how are your parents?" He asked Stan.

Stan looked at Kenny. "Why? My dad's an idiot, okay?"

Kenny snickered. "Yeah that can explain everything about you."

Stan walked in front of him.

"Say that again."

Kenny looked straight at him. "You're. An. Idiot."

Stan pushed him. "You know if we weren't in school right now, you'd be dead."

Butters ran in between us. "F-fellas I don't think we should do this here, I mean-"

Kenny slapped Butter's hand away.

"I-I don't get along with my parents. Their idea of you know discipline is just stupid and y-yeah."

"Dork." Kenny said to Butters. "You are a parents wet dream, okay?"

"But that's the problem."

"Look, I can see you don't get out much and you don't have friends but face it, you're a lame ass nerd."

Stan sighed. "Why do you have to insult everyone?"

"I'm just being honest asshole. I would expect you to know." Kenny said to Stan

"Yeah well he's got a name."

"Yeah?" Kenny turned to Butters. "What's your name?"

Butters hesitated for a second "But-...Leopold."

Kenny scoffed. "Leopold?"

"But everyone calls me Butters."

"_Butters_? That's a god damn food."

"But Leopold's my real name."

"Yeah it's a nerdy ass name."

"...I'm not a nerd." Butters mumbled

"No? Well there are two kinds of nerds. There are nerds who were born to be lame and nerd who were stupid and didn't give a shit about school, but became a nerd. See, you're gonna go to college and all but once you get a job, no one's gonna wanna fuck you, so you're gonna become a lonely man who sits around and watches gay porn all day."

Butters blushed. "Gay porn?"

Kenny snickered. "Please you act like no one knew."

Butters flipped him off.

"Oh." Kenny raised his eyebrows. "Didn't know gaywad can act so tough."

"Shutup..."

Kenny thought for a second and leaned in.

"Are you a virgin?"

Stan stood up from his chair slowly. Bebe and Tweak looked at Kenny.

Butters looked at Kenny speechless.

I'll bet you a million dollars you are. Whats in the suspense huh?"

"Go away." Butters muttered.

"Have you ever even kissed a boy in the mouth?"

Butters looked down. Kenny smirked. "Have you ever been felt up?" He whispered. "Hands stroking you... under the shirt... hoping to god your parents dont catch you?"

Bebe rolled her eyes.

Kenny leaned in closer as Butters tried to scoot away from him but the table was behind him. "On top of the desk... sucking your neck... pants thrown on floor past 11 on a school night?"

"Leave him alone." Stan growled. Kenny didn't move.

"I said leave him alone."

Kenny slowly turned away, eyeing Stan. "You gonna make me?"

"Yeah."

Kenny walked up to Stan facing an inch away from him. "You and how many of your friends?"

Stan looked him straight in the eye. "Just me. Just you and me. Two hits, me hitting you and you hitting the floor. Ready when you are."

Kenny scoffed. He raised his hand to slap Stans face away.

Stan snatched a hold of his wrist and bent it backwards to Kennys back while holding him down to the ground in less than two seconds. Kenny struggled from Stan's grip.

"I dont wanna get in with you on this man." Kenny said.

Stan let go but pushed him. "Why?"

He got up. "Cause I'd kill you."

"It's real simple. I'd kill you and your fucking parents would sue me and I couldn't care less about any of it."

"You stupid shit."

Kenny pulled out his swiss army knife, raising it at Stan. He stabs the chair.

"Lets end this right now." Stan pointed at his face to make a point. "You don't talk to him, you don't look at him, and you don't even think about him, you understand me?"

"I'm trying to help him." Kenny shruggs.

Tweak steals the knife behind Kenny.


	4. Chapter 4

About an hour later no one talked to anyone. Things pretty much cooled down with Kenny actually keeping quiet for once.

Well only for a while.

"Workin' hard to get my fill." Kenny sang quietly. "Everybody wants a thrill."

He paused for a second then got a little louder. "Payin' anything to roll the dice-"

"-Just one more time." Bebe continued. "Some will win, some will loose."

Stan sighed. "Some are born to sing the blues."

Butter cheerfully sang. "Though the movie never ends it goes on and on and on and on."

"DON'T STOP BELIEVIN'" Everyone sang in chorus.

"HOLD ON TO THAT FEELIN'" Kenny clutched his fists.

Tweek twitched but humbly continued. "Street light people."

"DON'T STOP BELIEVAANN, HOLD ON TO THAT FEELANAYANNN-"

Ms. Garrison walked in. She glared at Kenny for a while and slowly, he stopped singing.

"That's thirty minutes for lunch." Ms. Garrison announced.

"In the library?" Butters asked.

"Problem?"

"I think that maybe, you know, we might spill our drinks and uh- the books will get dirty."

"Speaking of drinks." Bebe said. "Will drinks be available to us? I have a low tolerance for dehydration."

"There's a soft drink machine in the teacher's lounge." Ms. Garrison said. She pointed at Bebe. "You." Ms. Garrison looked at Tweek. "And you, what's his name? Hey!"

Tweek turned around in paranoia.

"Come on get up, go to the teacher's lounge with Bebe."

Tweek looked at Bebe with wide eyes. "Gah! That's too much pressure!"

The two eventually walked the hallways looking for the teacher's lounge. Bebe turned to Tweek. "So what do you drink?"

Tweek just stared at her.

Bebe was sort of creeped out by Tweek's wide eyed glaring right at her. "Okay...forget I asked."

"Baileys."

Baileys...?" Bebe raised her eyebrow skeptically. "When do you drink baileys?"

"All time." Tweek raised his head as if he was proud of consuming alcoholic drinks.

"A lot?"

"Tons."

"Is that why you're here?"

"Why are you here!" Tweek suddenly shouted

Bebe hesitantly stopped. "I'm here because I skipped school and went shopping with my friend. Now why are you here?"

Tweek fumbled with his fingers. "Forget it." He sighed. They continued on to the teacher's lounge.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile in the library Kenny constantly glared at Butters, flipping through the pages of a medical textbook.<p>

"Hey Butters."

Butters raised his head from falling asleep. "Hm?"

"Wanna see a guy with a tumor the size of a grapefruit growing on his lips?

Butters sneered resting his head back on his arms. "No thank you."

"Would you consider going out with a guy like this?"

"Ugghh." Butters groaned in annoyance.

"I mean if he had a great personality, was a good dancer, great in bed, although you probably have to put a paper bag over his head. Wouldn't want to be kissing these puffer lips, huh?"

"You know what I wish I was doing right now...?" Butters mumbled

Kenny raised his finger. "Ah! Watch what you say! Stan here is a homophobe."

Stan stared at him. "Really? A homophobe? What gave you that idea?"

Kenny shrugged. "Football player? A dad that pushes you to do extra curricular you don't even want to do? With a strict dad like that, then obviously you been raised to believe gays are bad."

"Alright listen, you don't know me. I wasn't raised like that and you don't know shit about what football players think anyway. I'm not a homophobe, so just keep your trap shut."

"I wish I was at Harbucks...drinking a frappacino." Butters mumbled mindlessly.

Kenny rolled his eyes.

* * *

><p>Bebe brought back soda for everyone. She took out her lunch as so did everyone else.<p>

Kenny eyed Bebe taking out a bag of little bread squares and ranch dressing. "What's that?"

"Guess? Where's your lunch?"

"You're wearing it." He winked.

She scoffed sprinkling the crutons on her salad. "You're disgusting."

Kenny continued to look at the salad.

"It's salad okay? Not that you ever had food that wasn't processed."

"It's better than eating something that tastes like grass and a bunch of leaves."

"Can I eat in peace?"

"Go ahead, llama." Kenny said.

Stan on the other hand had packed a lunch that maybe Cartman wouldn't have handled in one sitting. He reached in the oversized bag taking out a half pounder cheesburger, steak sandwich , a family size bag of cheesy poofs, a bag of oatmeal cookies, and a pint of milk.

Bebe and Kenny observed the enormous "lunch" and stared at Stan.

"What?" Stan asked. "Oh wait." He reached deeper in the bag and pulled out a ham sandwich, a banana, an apple. He then opened the can of coke.

"Jeez you fatass." Kenny laughed. "That could feed my family for months."

"Coach told me I need to gain 10 more pounds."

Bebe frowned. "Lucky." She twiddled the salad.

Tweek opened a bag of oreos. He took apart the cookie and put it on his forehead. His face muscles flexed while the cookie dragged down his face, his tounge waving around in case the cookie fell. When the cookie finally landed in his mouth he took a swig of coke and chewed.

"So." Kenny grabbed Butters lunch bag. "What are we having today?"

"It's nothing special really..."

Kenny shoved his hand in the bag, though Butters tried stopping him, he slapped his hand away and pulled out lunchables and capri-sun. Kenny smirked at the contents in his hand.

"And apple slices with the skin pealed off." Kenny drawled. "Well Buttercup, this is a very interesting lunch. All the food that a 2nd grader would have is presented. Did your mom also hide a note saying 'I love you' in your bookbag?"

"No she sent me text."

"Ah. He nodded. "Well here's my impression of life in the Scotch family." Kenny got up in the front of the library, proping himself up.

" 'Son?' He said in a deep voice

'Yeah dad?' His voice pitched higher

'How's your day, pal?'

'Great dad! How's yours?'

'Super duper! Say son, how'd you like to go fishing on your old man's yacht?'

'Great dad!' He pouted. " 'But I have homework to do.'

'That's alright son! You can do it on the boat!'

'Yayy!' " He flailed his arms happily.

Butters glared at him frowning. Of course Butters thought this wasn't how it was at all, in fact it was the complete opposite. Maybe Kenny's acting was how Butter's wanted his life to be.

Stan noticed Butter's irritated look. "Alright, what about your family?"

"Mine?" Kenny asked. "Oh it's real simple." He stood again, this time with a scrunched, angry face. He pointed and said in a deep, drunk voice.

"Kenny, you no good, god damn son of a bitch, retarded, big mouth, know-it-all asshole, jerk! Get me a god damn beer, quick!" His voice with a higher pitch to mock his mother in a southern accent. "Stuart you get yourself a fucking beer!" "Shut up bitch!" He flung his arm in the air. "Go fix me some pop-tarts!" His voice went back to his own. "I'd say the same for you dad, know-it-all asshole, jerk." "Fuck you." "No dad, fuck you!" He threw fists into the air as if he was punching, and his head flew back as if he was punched.

Butters stared at him with sympathetic eyes. "Is that true?"

"You wanna come over sometime?"

Stan sneered. "Yeah well I don't believe a word of it, it's all part of your image."

Kenny shot a death look at him. "You don't believe me?"

"Did I stutter?"

Kenny glowered at Stan. Slowly he walked over to him. He showed Stan his forehead under his long bangs. On his forehead, there was a huge dent that looked like no one would've not noticed it if Kenny wouldn't hide it under his bangs. The bruise looked healed but there was still purple colors around the beaten bruise.

"See this? It's probably the kind of bruise you'd get if a lamp was thrown at you when you don't get your old man a beer. Do. I. STUTTER?" He let his bangs fall down and started walking away. "See I don't think that I need to sit with you FUCKING assholes anymore."

In the back of the library, Kenny screamed in anger, throwing and flinging books to the ground and wall, desks being kicked over to the floor.

Bebe said quietly to Stan. "You shouldn't have said that..."

"How was I supposed to know?"

Kenny clutched his hair, hidden between the towering book shelves in the back of the library, tears formed in his eyes.


End file.
